


With HollyHock

by YumeSin



Series: In The Chair [1]
Category: BoJack Horseman
Genre: Anxiety, Bojack Horseman - Freeform, Depression, Spoilers, bojack horseman spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:06:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22617610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumeSin/pseuds/YumeSin
Summary: SPOILERS AHEAD! IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED ALL OF SEASON 6 THIS IS YOUR ONE AND ONLY WARNING TO TURN BACK.So. Bojack Ended. This takes place after season 6, about a year or two after the shows completion.I've been really missing my depressed horse series. And I missed some of the females that weren't shown as much in the final episodes. So I created this series. I'm planning on writing these mini tidbits of therapy sessions for the women in the series. Sorta giving them some more peace, some more time to really exist in the shows space. Gina I def plan to do, Diane maybe, Pickles maybe, HollyHock obviously.Thanks so much for reading and please leave a comment if you wanna share something. I really appreciate it, any comments really encourage me to keep writing.
Series: In The Chair [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1627234
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	With HollyHock

"Do I have to sit down? I get real fidgety when I gotta sit for a long time."

"Oh, no, of course...you're welcomed to walk around HollyHock. To be fair, it's brave enough that you came all the way to LA and decided to start treatment here."

Hollyhock closes the door behind her, inhaling deeply before walking into the room. Her eyes dance around, unable to focus. Her breathing becomes heavier as her eyes stare at the closed door, shivers running down her spine. Dr. Indira notes this, quickly standing up and opening her office windows. Dr.Indira shakes her head, mentally shaking a fist at her stinky, tuna salad lunch. She knows Hollyhock may not be nervous about the smell, but still, it's something to...rope the client back and ground them.

"Hey, Hollyhock, sorry for the smell. Are you a Tuna person," Dr. Indira says, quickly taking her seat once more. Hollyhock gasps, turning back to the doctor with a confused face. The horsewoman puts her fingers together, shoulders anxiously locked in place. Therapy seems awkward to her. Foreign as she has spent months sitting on her trauma, waiting nearly years to discuss it with a proper therapist. Since five of her dads told her not to talk to the police or anyone before the whole mess blew over, this was the result. Sure, it resulted in less tension down the line, but there was just...so much. How could the doctor before her handle so much of her much?

"H-Hey, Tuna...yea, right? Tuna..." Hollyhock mused quickly, walking around the room as she searched for something else to discuss. Tuna's...weird. But it was nice to not think about the door behind her. Tuna was on her mind. Not the closed door, behind that closed door could be that 'scary detective', or the granny. No, granny. Granny will drug her, Hollyhock thinks, Granny will surely take her to--

"Hollyhock? I'm noticing you're having some trouble focusing. Remember, this is our first session together. Take your time to open up, there's no rush," Dr.Indira speaks. There's a smile on Dr.Indira's face but so much worry behind it. When the horsewoman made the appointment, the descriptions and the names...hell, Mary Beth would not believe this. The sister of the angsty Zebra, here to talk about her brother, her experience with drugs, and all that mess? Sure it had been years ago, but the wound must still be fresh on Hollyhock's mental.

Hollyhock continues to walk, in circles, fingers gingerly pressing against each other. The appointment goes quiet for a minute or so. Hollyhock seems to struggle, eyes straining. Her mind is a mess. There was so much to talk about, and yet, her mouth couldn't formulate what was needed to discuss things. These...darker things. This was much different than the Wesleyan University place. She couldn't just run out and sleep in her dorm. No, that's exactly why Hollyhock came to LA. To (eventually) get her masters in Social Work and Certificates in LGBT+ Studies and...she keeps thinking on the future.

_Really Hollyhock? You think you're such an adult now. Going to graduate school's just another thing you'll have up on me?_

_Hey, Hollyhock, I really miss hearing your voice._

_Hey, Hollyhock_

_Hey, Hollyhock_

_Hey, Hollyhock_

_Hey, Hollyhock._

All those voicemails, all those begging, whiny things. Was her brother all those? Why? Why couldn't she just let it go? Why couldn't she just let him go?  
  
"Uh, uhm...doctor..In. Can I call you Dr.In?" Hollyhock asked, facing away from the therapist, eyes poised on the tips of her fingers.  
  
"Of course Hollyhock. You're doing well." Dr.Indira replies. She'd do anything to get the horsegirl to eventually open up. More minutes tick by. Hollyhock had stopped moving a bunch, inhaling thickly before giving random bits of information.  
  
"He...I mean, uh. I should start over. I searched for him. I found him." Hollyhock would start, but then the words wouldn't really...make sense after. She seemed to go on breaks from her own body. Dr.Indira wrote a note, 'Dissociative tendencies???'. More notes came after, Hollyhock seemed to be getting comfortable. The words were starting to find home in the LA Office.

"I, despite, uh...having nine dads. Wanted to find my tenth, **real** one. He...uh, he." Hollyhock started again, but the breathing kicked up again. The confused look in her eye kept flickering. Dr.Indira made a note while calming Hollyhock, biting her lip as she did so, 'anxiety'. Dr.Indira also had the notes Hollyhock wrote when scheduling, so...there was something to be said. Something to ease the girl into talking more.  
  
"Hey, how about this... the he you keep speaking up. If it hurts to use his real name or other identifiers, think of something unrelated to talk about the him...like a zebra. Call him Bobo. Something like that." Dr.Indira suggested. Hollyhock turned to the therapist, giving a knowing nod. She exhaled, shaking her head as she felt upset. Upset with her own dumb depressed horsebrain. But, as her dads would encourage...she needed to talk about this. And to get it out of her head entirely.  
  


"Well, I met BoBo some years ago. I thought he was my dad, but, turns out...he was my brother. The entire time I was staying there, I met his mom. His mom uh. Bojo. Bojo the mom was very old so I wanted to give a sense of peace before you know. She passed. But she ends up...drugging me. And I had to go to the hospital. And now I'm...wondering if all of us are the same you know? That we all just end up drugging people and hurting them and we get to walk away and feel proud about it. Like, 'hey I just ruined my 5th life of today, high five'! I know..I know I'm a good person. My dads tell me everything you'd expect and more. Always there. Always welcoming. But what if that's a thing we all do, you know, get people to tell us we're these awesome people when we're not? What if there's a timer right above my head that no one can sees that'll tick down to zero and suddenly I'm this asshole. This prick...someone who just wants validation from others all the time and just, ruins everything!" Hollyhock said. It was the most the horsewoman had to say in quite sometime. Dr.Indira put down more notes. She looked up and gave Hollyhock a nice, gentle smile. The girl had been through so much, too much, she deserved her time here and to be validated.  
  
"That all sounds like it was tough for you. You did make it out though, I'm proud of you for that! Well, as I always say, you're not responsible for someone else's dysfunction. Even if Bobo and Bojo did bad things, it isn't a reflection on you really. It's a reflection of...well, themselves. Even on accident, if you do something to make someone upset, it isn't a timer waiting to go off. It's the human in you showing," Dr.Indira suggest. She watches Hollyhock's face light up, seeming to nod. But just seconds later it falls flat again, Hollyhock staring at the floor. An old memory seems to be coming up.  
  
"I. I remember one night, near Boja--Bobo's pool! He and I had this really sorta deep talk. It reminded me of...the human in him too. It felt like there was a good person there, even just for a small blip. Those moments in him made me want to believe in him. Made me want to believe in myself and that things go away. That...nagging sad feeling in my brain. That...emptiness I feel sometimes out of nowhere. Like, literally, I could be brushing my teeth and then decide to critique my place in the world. Or even when I'm at home trying to just. Live. It hits hard, and then, people get hurt. I don't wanna do that anymore Dr.In. I wanna be rid if it all, completely. You gotta help me." Hollyhock says, getting on her knees and putting he palms together. Dr.Indira felt there was still more to be said, but at the least the girl was talking. It was progress.  
  
"It's good you still remember the good, human things about those that hurt you too. But it isn't required in the process of resolving any...lingering trauma. You mentioned the drugging, did anything else happen to you?" Dr.Indira says, hoping to learn more. Maybe this was a heavy first session, but it'd help them both set goals for their meetings. Hollyhock went silent again, eyes moving to the floor. Was it too deep of a question to push out into the universe? Dr.Indira was preparing to backpeddle when Hollyhock shot her eyes back at the woman. They seemed filled with a fire. Where it came from, who knew?

"Well, it's...one of those things, you know? It's one of those things that doesn't happen to you, but something Bobo did that I can't think be forgiven. Having relations with someone **very close to my age**. It's like there's a fear that I'm the one next, you know? And then having sex with someone that's *very close to my role in his life*. It's like that feeling that the person wants something more from you that you can't provide. And then to learn there's more on top of more on top of more? It's hard to be around someone that's done all the things he's done and hold onto a smile for more than a second. Everything comes to mind, nothing leaves really. It all just...stays there. And you gotta help me, like I said, to get rid of these thoughts!" Hollyhock said, taking two steps toward the woman of the hour. Dr.Indira nods, though, she finds something so familiar in Hollyhock's mannerisms. For having nine dads, it could be one of them, but...there was something peculiar about this. Something very Bojack-like.  
  
"I can help you move on and manage, but no one can really remove memories or mental illness from anyone. I'm here as your support, I can give you resources, I--"  
  
"What's the use of this then? Then you're gonna go telling me about all the wrong things I've done and compare them to Bojack, aren't you!?? I just feel like no one wants to listen to me for me! Even you. Can't we get to talking about my issues already!?!?"  
  
"You're deflecting, Hollyhock."  
  
"Deflecting, deflecting, what does that even mean Dr.In? What am I deflecting? I'm talking about everything really, no, that's everything that's happened."

Time Check. Five minutes left. And things couldn't be going much worse. Dr.Indira could sigh right now, but, it wouldn't be a good look. And losing a client this early on would be a worse look. But, as Dr.Indira thought, there was some progress made.

"You said his name." Dr.Indira said with a smile. Hollyhock cocks her head, a disgruntled look on her face.

"What?!? What do you mean, I, I can always say his name. Bobo-uhm, uh Bobo. Uh...Bo...jack," Hollyhock says again, letting the gravity of those words hit her this time instead of passing by. She hadn't said that name in so long. And she swore it off of her tongue, swore it off of her life, she promised in that letter. And yet she was here, speaking that damned name again.  
  
"If anything, talking about hurtful pasts and becoming comfortable with it can also be seen as progress. If you disagree, then sure, we can figure something else out. But when you walked into that door, you were having trouble even talking. I much prefer the Hollyhock I see now, wanting to scream and challenge things. Wanting to tell me things, get a larger point across. Look, girl, I'm proud of you. So when do you wanna see me again?" Dr.Indira says, a wide smile on her face. In the therapist's eyes, you gotta keep seeing the good in people and their actions to continue at something like this.   
  
"Does..next week Thursday work for you?"

"Yes. We'll set some goals next session too."

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think in a comment below! <3


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